Fearless is a Fallacy
Disclosure: Some of the links below may be affiliate links, and, at no additional cost to you, I may earn a small commission if you click through and make a purchase. Please be assured that I only recommend products that I believe in & have personally tried or used. Your support is greatly appreciated!
Fearless. You’ve heard that word spoken or have seen that word written on sweatshirts and bags and other loud paraphernalia, right? Probably enough times to make you believe that if you’re not fearless, you’re doing it wrong or you’re not good enough. Sometimes it just feels like the whole damn world is telling you to be fearless, to conquer that fear, to just get over it and do the damn thing.
By a lot of standards I consider myself decently successful in life. But I am far from fearless, and being fearless did not get me to this place. In fact, every time I begin to think I have even a clue about what I’m doing, something comes along that scares the bejesus out of me. And I’m willing to bet that I am not alone.
That is why I’m here to tell you fearless is bullshit.
Fear is inevitable. I don’t believe there is such a thing as bad fear or good fear, but it’s how you deal with the fear that shows up. Maybe it’s a fear of rejection. Or maybe a fear of actually falling in love. Maybe it’s fear of a big and dirty failure. Or maybe, it’s a fear of success and realizing that’s not enough. Maybe it’s a fear of humiliation. Or maybe it’s the fear of actually being seen. It’s valid to have fear, be scared, or have anxiety about the unknown and unfamiliar. But it’s also just as scary to always live in that kind of fear.
I don’t have the answer, but I can share that I feel my fears deeply, and what I do to fully feel my fears and then work through them. I close my eyes and I breathe. Through my nose I take all the fears in, and then I feel them trickling through every tense part of my body. And I ask myself:
What is this I feel?
What is this trying to explain to me?
What is this holding me back from doing?
What would happen if I actually do it?
As I let my mind respond to these thoughts, the process is incredibly freeing. Sometimes images arise, and I welcome them. I observe them. Finally, when my mind and body together feel ready, I exhale and I say, “OK. I can handle you.”
If you’re human, you will always have fear. Don’t fight yourself, and don’t fight your fear. Instead, use your fear as fuel. You have the power to transform your fears into something nourishing for growth. Maybe instead of running from that fear or letting that fear control us, we can slowly learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and intentionally put ourselves out there in spite of it. Fear can be an opportunity to push beyond your limits and comfort zone if you place trust in yourself and use it to guide and challenge you.
“Think of fear as gift,” a good friend once told me. “Fearless is not the lack of fear, but the willingness to work with it. And willing to feel the fear will actually help you come alive.”
I’m sure we are all full of fear with what’s going on in the world right now. It’s very scary. If we embrace these fears, we can grow together and come out stronger through this experience. With my deep inner thoughts totally exposed, I give you the first recipe on this site. A lil spicy soup to soothe the soul.
